Little things of life....

An older colleague married for 36 years , recently, chat us for a while. The ‘us’ is my best friend in school who is to be married soon and myself. The elderly colleague asked me ..”Ok is your man also an Engineer like mine?”To which I said “Yes!”She immediately asked me,” Insists on all cultural  and traditional stuff…for food and all?”. “Of course!”. “Is he the types to forget your anniversary but gets up in the morning to fix your toast and coffee before u leave to work?” Well I thought- how did she know that! Did she view things through a powerful telescope…the morning ritual of my husband fixing my toast and coffee! “Well! Yes. How do you know?” She smiled an all-knowing smile and then told us that such men are traditional stuck- in –the- mud but are a steady flame of affection and inspiration to do what we wanted to do at work and with kids …basically no worries la she finished in that note! She went on to add that she too lives with a man of similar spirit and that it’s the most blissful living a girl can ask for! Huh!

My metro travel roughly takes an hour of switching between the train and bus and finally getting home. I plugged my ipod as usual that day. Yes the song list has been updated in it…wow thanks mister I said to myself. Well of course I will have to listen to his favorites as well(Includes crap like Dire Straits, Abba, Pink Floyd, some songs from 7am arivu(bearable), more ghazals of Jagjit Singh). Never mind. Text him about remembering to get a mobile cover, menu for the day that I plan to cook and asking him some ideas about fixing our daughter’s Carnatic music tutor to complete the syllabus….well rest at home. When I swipe out I realize  a big chunk of 52.50$ sits on my EZ link. Wow !Saves me the trouble.  He has topped the card! I buy my veggies from the nearby shop and reach home only to find out that the rain had been anticipated and the windows had been shut ! Thank god else I will have a pool of water to clear out and sometimes may be swim for the amount of rain we have!

Light the evening lamp and await my girl to come home after her play. While I am cutting the veggies for the night and getting my dinner and next day’s lunch fixed, I speak about my girl’s day and then get her to have her routine. Meanwhile he calls me to say that he might be a couple of minutes late and we must simply just have dinner and close. When finally he is back,  he sees me cleaning up, he will serve his own food off the table and thats when I ‘release my spirits’. Tell him my troubles with the teacher fixing, why the veggie shop is so badly placed, why the lady’s finger has so many worms,  why its so easy to lose my way in the Orchard MRT, why he must have his night milk, why Dravid is a great batsman, why the plumber must be called , why dishwasher is a pain, why he must stop watching Super singer and listen more to meJ Phew quite a lot of jabber that he will listen sincerely without offering any judgement.  A stress buster session for me and a garbage- in session for him. When I think back it’s an absolutely steady gaze that keeps me on. Between this session he will ask me if I had the umbrella in my bag when it rained. And if I paid the swim trainer the exam fee for our girl , if my ankle twist is ok after changing the shoe and if I finally found my way in the MRT and if I read the latest on Cricinfo(he has to ask me this and I will see a smile if I said yes). Kind of a grand end to this mundane conversation. Do you know I read these tweets occasionally not for the article so much but to see that smile that expects nothing, but a moment of joy of sharing his interest with me!

Well for those of you who think this is a boring routine and a more boring conversation….thats what makes me realize that togetherness is not about doing wild things all the time, its about finding less topics to argue about, not hugely exciting but greatly cementing the walls of this companionship with things that make us good people, to share between the hectic routine that he helps me through, things that he does without us knowing because he wants us to be happy and comfortable. Things that make me  angry too…like an over investment and sometimes showing me the big share bill that he will explain with details that are indeed hairsplitting…but wait its a genuine concern for what awaits us tomorrow must be fathomed from today! Of course some more hairsplitting sessions of criticisms too that really have driven me nuts...but kind of tempered my spirits too!  Many many little things that worry his salt-pepper hair filled head when he goes to bed. There are silences shared when he just waits for me to tell him! This is what I figured out recently!!!! “Will wait till you tell me” kind of expression that only shows patience. I can’t describe this further…an expression that commands immense respect from me like none other!

There is never a big high or a big low, no great shakes about any heroine that I have to be J about, no rudeness or no messing, not  many boys day outs, no unpaid bills too! It’s a steady flame of care that he will always carry and at the end of the day he will say in his usual mellowed voice, “I said that so you won’t get hurt in the end but do as you wish. Now tell me when your holidays begin. Shall we plan something?” Its as matter-of-fact as that. Very subtle that you can miss it if you haven’t made up your mindJ And must admit he waits for that too! For my growing up in ways he thinks I still haven't understood the harsh world! Unfortunately, I have always till date gone back to him admitting he was right even in the first place!

This post comes from many experiences we have had together and as we are just a week away from completing 15 years of a wedded life, I recall bits and pieces of this journey. There are many times we throw our hands in the air in a gesture to give up on deeds but trust me ladies, the trials and tribulations of life just makes your man turn slowly somewhere there in between those not- so- good experiences to play the protective father. Its something Ive realised lately and feel sometimes women see things only after the time has passed considerably. :(.You can feel  genuinely that he is worried about you .  And when that happens I often tell myself- ‘Marriages are indeed made in heaven” as he is the only one who knows what fits you right and what’s right for you!