The faithful and silent Oak

Life’s like a jungle,

The Lion roars in what seems majestic for the first time,

Quietly and stealthily running after his prey,

Leaving no footprints behind as he hunts.

Leaving no marks but sure footed like the mountain goat

He seems adept at the prey execution.

Quite like it was always handled perhaps,

But little does the deer smell the decayed meat on his fur.

Within the darkest shadows of this life exists bigger demons

Intangible and pressing,

Stronger than a word of evidence,

Sharper than the pangs of Agony.

I call them demons, Thy Conscience,  and may be Angels disguised too.

Something misplaced and amiss sure is.

Wrong, slandering, lies, camouflage, deceit that was born of character

Because of a desire unquenched for the predator.

While the grass chewing deer narrowly escaped,

The hungry Lion angered by the times

Walked back on dried grass to leave no traces of himself.

After all tomorrow will be another day!

The Old Oak that sheltered the deer, watched,

His wisdom so resilient and overpowering,

Respectable and Secure , though His branches

Still stand languid and torpid , and  yet so rock-like for his deer.

Beyond being a Teacher

My English teacher walked in with a Hindu crossword puzzle every day. The paper was folded in 4 and tucked along with the “Julius Caesar” or the “Anthology of poems” that we did in ICSE. While we stood up to greet  her , she showed her hands in a way that said “ Never mind sit down”. She would then loudly ask “High conservative, small at heart ?  It is difficult to believe“, it is 4 letters and 5 letters. Can anyone guess this one? I have been thinking about this since morning. Very rarely anyone of us got a brainwave and shot off some word that fit her boxes right and of course to see that flash of a smile from the one person I knew who could bring literature alive in class.  Well,  The answer to this one was 'Tall Story' .

She kept our class rapt in ways , I confess. She read the words and rattled the interpretations in way that we ended up feeling we wanted more. Few  unforgettable experiences were the way she showed us in words and actions what a love-knot was in the  Highway Man, showed us the country side of the Solitary Reaper. One wondered why Wordsworth didn’t use those words too!  Her ‘Daffodils’ lesson was in total pin-drop silence. Till date I can remember that day, when the poem finished and she had explained the beauty of what Wordsworth saw everyone of us were transported to that plain where ‘when our heart with pleasure fills’ and danced ‘with the daffodils’. The stabbing of Caesar by the conspirators was imagined to the last detail by her interpretations of Shakespeare’s otherwise licensed writing! You could tell she liked Antony and she despised Cassius.

Looking out for the colour of the crisp cotton sarees she wore was the event of the day. Classy and charismatic. An occasional small string of jasmine lit her face but so beautifully that all we girls looked at her longer than we normally did. The red bindi set off her fair skin very well and of course she played with the plaits as she read the lines out in such astounding eloquence. The modulation was impeccable. Language flowed and ebbed its way through the air. A complete command over what she delivered and oozing passion of what she was saying. Heart and soul into what she taught us. She let us argue with her, have our piece of fun between the discussions and ask stupid questions.

Our batch was a high achieving batch in academics and outside and whenever we won something she will say a one-liner to us and make our heart sing for that smile that went with it. It was special in every sense of the word.”Give it all you have”, she told me once when she prepared me for an elocution competition. That line stuck with me till this date and I often say it to my girl.

She was a feminist and was so well read that she could take on any topic under the sun to discuss it with us fiercely. She fought for what was right and called a spade a spade. There was a spirit she had that was unconventional and untamed. We girls loved it..every bit of that! Its one of those see it to know it kind of feeling! A true woman of today with values of yesterday – all intact! We loved the combination and yes she was someone I idolized. Loved her ways and many a times aspired to emulate!

Many many years later when she was present just as beautiful as she has always been on my wedding reception smiling at the camera and the video, I turned to my husband and whispered, “ I grew up looking up to her all my life in school.”

There are many things in life that stay stuck with us. In ways we never realize they will. Its almost like those aspirations has gotten to our nerves even before we realized they had. Many things she did left an indelible mark in our personalities and that I think is being a role model. So here is to that teacher!!

Refresh the list....

It’s complicated people. More than you and I can fathom. This DNA stuff is totally sound science and if there was something you want to begin with, to prove to the next generation that Science is all true and objective, show them how similarly they could strike a chord with you in ways they never knew- all because they had the same code of those helical looking fibers they inherited from you…in all of god’s most beautiful creation. As my girl is growing up I realize that she is similar to me in so many ways and yet so different in other ways too!

My girl has become a young lady quite literally and I am plain apprehensive about life. Its like the clock has started clicking faster and I have very little time to finish my clinical work. I admit I have been having this urge like never before to pamper her and make her feel like a princess but lest she takes advantage of my display of affection and uses the same to dodge the many things she must be doing, anyway, albeit the tight hugs and squeezes that I never will resist . She has always been (so painfully for me!) an independent girl. Confident as she always seems to be, she still has her feminine fears that she so tactfully conceals. One thing very striking about her is her lack of diplomacy in making critical comments on anything that she dislikes. A trait clearly picked from me(Her dad and my bro endorse that!). Call it a brutal truth or blatant fact, it’s the way it is, is the way she will say it. Quite consciously she has been taught to employ refinement. And ironically, I do that. And while I do that, her dad just smirks to himself, ‘Telling her to do things you can’t get right even today!’ kind of look that I pretend not to understand. I fiercely insist on the choice of words and the rhetoric she must apply! Making progress but I do realize there is a bottleneck to what I can achieve in this area that has been pre-programmed! So realistically speaking there is only so much I can do to camouflage.

As a mother I take immense pleasure at her achievements thus far and often mention recaps to her on her gloomy days. My crib story is simple…she is growing up faster than I imagined in ways more than just physical. Our dinner conversations are the most absorbing part of my day. The other day, she told me that she will miss her best friend in our block who was to leave for good. The curious me asked her, “What is it that made you strike with Eesha?”. “Amma, she is very open. We talk of music, basketball, you, daddy, her dad, mom, cricket, movies and sometimes studies”, she said. To which I replied then “In all she was interesting to be with?”” Oh yes always!As unlike many she spoke ‘viewer’s choice’”. That stumped me as she also smirked after that and added , “Not like you. You bore me and daddy with your stuff and school sometimes”. I seriously didn’t expect that. Well people there’s been a transformation. I didn’t quite see when it happened but surely my girl watches me well. Its not often that your own kids tell you ,you are boring.:(

I have been working very hard with her music lately and the two of us have even cut down on play to spend a lot of hours understanding the nuances of Carnatic Music. When finally she presented a few krithis to me and I realized the 2 times she sang she sang it differently, I asked her why. Then with a smile she replied,”Oh you can tell the difference? Which one did you like the second time one? The first time was the way your Madurai teacher taught me and the second time was sir’s way. I am planning to mix the combination when I sing in the exam. If I combine the teacher thinks I am innovating.” She then added that real innovation will happen only after a week and she is still trying. Well, honestly I admit that that kind of understanding human behavior was beyond me at that age. To shamelessly add, its true now as well! She is making slow and steady progress in the understanding of the raga but taking leaps and bounds with understanding people she interacts with. In a way, am I happy for that! Indeed feels restful and at peace to know that she has sound defense mechanisms that will keep her from stumbling in all of life’s tripping stones.

Honestly, life skills are more important than any other according to me. It protects, holds you strong against calamaties, keeps you on purpose and definitely keeps you from making muddled mistakes. As a mother, today, my requirements for things I need for her have a refreshed , new list. Its always like that. In our zest to have the best for them, I want her to do what I did and do it without the cracks and glitches that I made too! What the mother in me will never want to see is her lack of understanding of this world that will cost her dearly as she moves on in this very different world that I need to prepare her for. Everyday has one more thing on my list for her!!

Rearing her has been easy for most parts of it. She is mindful of others and minds herself. Children reflect the world they see very often in a crystal clear way if for all that we keep from imposing our views on them. Its difficult to accept but letting them be is often the only way. As my heart fills up with contentment at her life skills, I shall fill this cyber space with more anecdotes to share in times to come!