My girl has grown up! Big time! Its been a lot of muddles and puddles metaphorically for me lately. While I am physically on all the tasks that I ever do, there is a great sense of absence at the same time. Not sure how many of you mothers out there have been there and felt that! I fixed her dinner about a few days ago and sat down next to my Docking station and played an old Hindi number. I guess I had switched off at that time. She turned around and said, “ Amma you aren’t listening, why don’t you switch off the song?”. Quite alarmed at the direct interrogation I just smiled and switched it off. She then quietly ate her dinner and pinged my man from my hand phone to ask him where he was and when he is expected at home. Surprisingly, she closed the food and cleared the stuff clean. Cut the fruits and came and sat next to me with a smile. She simply started rattling about her day(she only normally does when asked for it!). While I definitely did not listen to her jabber I keenly observed her to know that she too was just trying to switch me back to HER mode. The day ended with a guilty me.
Preoccupation is an obsession. It does eat into my routine and I just call it concentration lapse. On a normal, good day as a mother there are always things left to be done, things to be said, chores to be completed, long awaited topics to talk to my girl. Its always a fantastic conversation where I not only listen to her voice and what she says, my antenna senses what she hasn’t said too! Being able to read her that way makes me feel rest assured and contended. Never thought that she will ever have such a ear for me. With her quiet disposition and just a few sentences she conveys her worry for me. Her silences are more compelling than her jabber. She never persists like I do. She quickly lets me be and continues with her routine. Of course there is an extra bout of talk with the dad but that’s about it.
Unhealthy, unprecedented moments have nothing to offer. As rational beings, we understand this on a good day. Succumbing to it is a choice that we all make consciously and then of course blame the times and circumstances. The issue never solves and may be never meant to be solved. Hey may be even not worth the effort here to blog about it. What remains at the end of the day is those few hours of a meaningful life and fun has already slipped off on the not-so-eternal Time.
Life definitely presents many difficult times…. things that we say have never happened and therefore we messed it, things that shook our balance and things that cause unnecessary ruptures to a fully blown happy life! We have no one to blame for the falls, bruises, scars, cuts and the metaphorical fractures so to speak! If only we realize the cliché …a line often told by my paternal grand mom every time I played more and worked less ” This time and day will not come again”(In Tamil). Snap off and cut short! Let go and switch off! Bounce back to the important people and make up for the precious time lost!
The only saving grace is my girl’s “ Amma are you ok today? Want to tell you something! It’s a bit silly but will tell you….will you ACTUALLY listen? Surely? ” There is possibly nothing meaningful she will say but she has said enough to get me back! At least back to her
